All about me

Tag--you're it! Copy and paste into your blog and you know what to do.

1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? after 7am....Matthew was up trying to get croup last night but didn't quite make it...very restless and he and I slept on the couch...hence getting to sleep until after 7am
2. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? diamonds
3. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA? Bourne Ultimatum
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? Survivor and The Biggest Loser.
5. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? eggs
6. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Jean
7. WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE? red meat unless it's a hamburger or taco meat
8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD? Jeremy Riddle's newest--so good!
9. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? Toyota Sequoia
10. FAVORITE SANDWICH? pesto, turkey and tomato on whole wheat
11. WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE? apathy and anger
12. FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING? hmmm...green hoodie sweater that's just the right shade of green
13. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? Kauai and Italy
14. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? kind of a taupy/goldy color...hard to explain
15. FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? hmmm...people buy clothes? I love Roxy.
16. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO? Kauai
17. WHAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY? I loved, loved my 31st birthday (two years ago). Shane surprised me with a luau party at a park we love and all my favorite friends from town were there. Everyone had Hawaiian gear on and we ate Hawaiian yummy food and listened to Hawaiian music (you get the idea) and my parents bought me a lei to wear. So sweet. I also loved my 32nd birthday so much because it was the day before we had Matthew (scheduled c-section) and I had a fun lunch with dear girlfriends, had spa pedicures, flowers and cards from my dear children and a yummy Italian dinner that night with family before the big day the next morning to welcome Matthew into the world. Such special memories.
18. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? swimming
19. FURTHEST PLACE YOU ARE SENDING THIS? I guess wherever you're reading from
20. WHO DO YOU LEAST EXPECT TO POST THIS BACK TO YOU? ??
21. PERSON YOU EXPECT TO SEND IT BACK FIRST? Hmmm.
22. FAVORITE SAYING? ummm...I'm drawing a blank.
23 WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? August 3
24. ARE YOU A MORNING OR NIGHT PERSON? Oh most definitely night
25. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE: 9
26. PETS? yep, a stuffed black lab that's almost life sized...he's the perfect pet
27. ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH US? nope
28. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? a travel agent
29. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? tired right now but had a great day
30. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY ? See's chocolate, especially one with dark chocolate and a lemon center...so yummy
31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? lilies, roses, tulips, zinnias (love to grow them in the yard and bring them inside in the spring and summer)
32. WHAT IS A DAY ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? The day we fly back to Kauai (we're going sometime before August with the whole fam)
33. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Kelly Jean W******s
34. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? me typing...kids are sleeping
35. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? salad
36. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? no
37. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? ocean blue
38. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? drizzly rain
39. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Diet Coke
40. FAVORITE RESTAURANT? Red Rock, Porters, Red Robin
41. SIBLINGS? 1 dear sister
42. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? summer...ok I cheated, that's lots of days
43. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? my Big Wheels or my bike
44. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer
45. HUGS OR KISSES? both!!
46. COFFEE OR TEA? coffee
47. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? chocolate
48. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO POST YOU BACK? yes
49. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Tuesday night
50. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? lots of crap
51. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Kristi
52. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? went out for dinner
53. FAVORITE SMELL? ocean, bread baking, fresh cut grass, after the rain
54. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? spiders
55. SALTY OR SWEET? generally sweet
56. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR RING? 4
57. HOW MANY YEARS AT YOUR CURRENT JOB? 10
58. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Saturday
59. HOW MANY TOWNS HAVE YOU LIVED IN? 4
60. DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS EASILY? I think so.

The wind

It's a blustery day here at home today and the leaves and rain are falling! We were sitting here doing school earlier and stopped to watch the wind blowing really hard and the leaves falling in big piles. Ryan commented about the wind: "God is blowing really hard." I love young minds and their sweet thoughts!

First tooth!

Sarah lost her first tooth about 15 minutes ago. To say that she is excited is an understatement. She's been running around like a crazy girl ever since! Oh, the tooth fairy is coming tonight! Yippee!

Big Thanks

So I have to give big thanks from a thankful heart to the great harvest party we went to at church on Halloween. They had great games, great activities and they gave away (among many other good prizes) goldfish as prizes . Whose idea was this? They do not have children. I talked to so many parents that night who were trying to leave the poor goldfish on the table. I saw one fish hovering in its cup over the abyss that is the garbage can. One genius friend would not allow her boys to take a fish home when they won it. I aspire to be like her. NO! You may not take a suicidal fish home. It will die within a week. It will not be here next week. How do you explain this to giddy children who just won a goldfish? Soooo...Daddy was sent to get fish food on the way home from work the next day...and forgot. He remembered on Friday (after Sarah's fish died) and the remaining goldfish ate and ate and seemed quite content in the vase we offered as a home.

Update. The fish is dead. I repeat. Ryan's fish that lived for six days is dead. Sarah's fish lived for two days and she was so upset when it died. Unlike my dear sister's children who laughed when they flushed their first dead goldfish, mine did not laugh. Ryan even told me earlier today that he really liked his fish. "It's my first pet." Oh buddy, we've got to do better than this. We'll get you a real pet someday.Life is hard, kids. Get over it.

Sorry, Kristen for copying the above pic. It was too good to pass up!

Where's Matthew?

What happens when I turn my back for one second...

He stole my yummy loaf of Cranberry Pear Walnut bread right off the counter that we bought at Great Harvest

late this morning. I asked the kids where Matthew was because it was a little too quiet. I walked in the dining room and there he was hiding behind the table with my loaf of bread!Such a sneaker!

Halloween

Why am I wearing this?

Mommy and her sweet frog

Princess Sarah

Last minute adjustments to Spiderman (aka Ryan)

Spidey, Princess and the frog off to trick-or-treat at a handful of houses before the church harvest party

Get OUT of my stroller

A cookie bribe to calm a "I'm too tired to go on" tantrum

Ryan and Seth

You know I so ate their candy when they went to bed.

Things to enjoy today...

1. DB coffee and donuts waiting for me when I got up.

2. Beautiful, beautiful sunny day.

3. Working in the yard...relaxing and fun to do as a family.

4. Hearing my children laughing together.

5. Hearing Matthew (14 months old) pray (in a whispered tone: dah dah dah dah la ma dah dah)

6. Hot shower after getting the last shower yesterday.

Picker

Just now at the dinner table, Sarah, who has a little cold, was picking at her nose. Shane and I both looked over and told her to stop. She took her finger away and then promptly put her finger back in her nose. We asked her what she was doing...

"I'm putting it back."

Oh, Lord, help us.

Pumpkin days

We spent a beautiful, beautiful afternoon yesterday at a local farm with church friends looking at pumpkins, playing in hay, riding ponies, get faces painted, running through corn mazes and feeding animals. It was a perfect fall afternoon and it was so fun to be out with friends. I bring my camera everywhere but quickly realized upon going to take a picture that I had left the memory card at home---hate that! My friend Kim snapped this cute picture of Matthew.

We'll be back at that farm on Friday so I'll be sure to bring my camera AND the memory card. I'm just hoping for such a beautiful day again!

A little man can never have too many...

...binks! My dear Matthew...really, you've got to cut down on this bink habit. We're losing binks daily; they're in cupboards, they're under the couch, they're behind curtains, and now, they're in your pocket. They have counselors for this; therapy or medication of some kind, I'm sure. xoxoxoxo

Happy Birthday, Jennifer!

Jen, Wishing you NY skylines and coffee in a real cup, purple flowers and pedicures, coconut chapstick and yummy smelling books to read, more time in each day, a new blog post with a cute template and maybe a picture or something, a fruity yummy drink with an umbrella, warm days where flip flops are the only footwear required, a great workout with your trainer, no difficult questions from dear children today, joy and laughter, hope and grace, peace and lots of love to my dear, dear friend who makes me laugh like no one else. Happy 35th Birthday. Lots of love from the five of us!

"Normal" Homeschool days

This is part of what our day looks like everyday...My assistant sharpening crayons in the pencil sharpener

My assistant making sure R and S stay on task

class picture

In deep thought...

What we looked over and saw while Sarah and I were making lunch...Apparently lunch is not worth more than sleep!

Baby steps

Ok, so we all know that watching a baby learn to walk is exhilarating, exciting and painful. Just when you think they've got it they trip over a crumb on the kitchen floor and smack their little face on the ground. My little 14 month old man has been walking for four months but those memories are vivid. I liken the process of learning to walk to parenting. Just when I think we've got some basics covered one of my dear children will speak unkindly to the other...ok, this happens every day. I get very bogged down sometimes with the constant, "Moooooommmmm...so and so just did this." It can wear on me and make me tense and irritable. I am inclined to be that way anyway, and they're a few of my character traits that I am praying for the Lord to just up and take away from me! So far, I'm thinking he wants to do it the long way; slowly molding me more and more to look like him. Anyway, back to parenting. My dear children were having "recess" Thursday. I sent the kids out to play and went out to get them about a half hour later. No sign of them. I went into their room that faces the side yard and could hear their voices through their partially opened window. I looked out towards the front gate and could see some baby steps in progress. They were, as a team, bringing our garbage cans (the rolling cart kind) from the curb back to their places by the side of the garage. No asking from me. No asking for the second time. No initiation on my part at all. I could hear Sarah asking Ryan if the green cart needed to be taken out (yard debris.) He told her that one goes out next week (it alternates with the red recycling cart.) They put the cans in place and then Sarah saw me looking out at them. I was speechless and didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It works! Teaching them the value of work and being a servant...it's working! Ok, so it worked for that moment, and I was ecstatic. I thanked them profusely for seeing a job that needed to be done and doing it so that mommy and daddy wouldn't have to. Baby steps. Just when we think they're not listening they go and bring the garbage in. I love those kids! Of course, the rest of the day progressed like many days in our house: there was some yelling, fighting and tears. But, I had that little reminder that what I'm doing each day with them is sinking in bit by bit. The Lord does the same thing with us. He looks down on us and says, "It's ok; we'll take this a day at a time. You won't be all that you desire to be today. But, be sure that my eyes are upon you and I'm molding you and making you more like me with each step." God is sooooo good; slow to anger and full of grace. Maybe someday I'll be a little more like that.

Ok, really, I'm just about done

****Apparently I didn't keep my side by side photo of the B&J ice cream. But let's just say there wasn't a huge difference in their new formula. Ahem.


Ok, I'm getting a little lame with my 67 posts today, but I've had these pictures and had to put them on here. Do you think Ben and Jerry's did this just for me? You'll have to enlarge the picture of the side-by-side to appreciate it. They reformulated their Coffee Heath Bar Crunch so it now has no hydrogenated oils, less fat, less calories. I think it's almost good for me. I have the muffin top to show for it. Darn, just when I was thinking of breaking up with them they go and woo me back. I have kept my promise (to myself) and have not bought any more B&J so my freezer is sad and so am I. But, I know it will return...

Karate

...A fun bit of news. Ryan (along with his cousin and Auntie) got his yellow belt in karate last night. He started in July and quickly decided he was going to take karate until he's 18. Sarah started karate just a few weeks ago so she was the only one in their little class that didn't advance (a few tears were shed over that) but we're so proud of Ryan (and Aaron and Auntie--my karate hero!). It was so fun to watch his excitement over a great accomplishment! Good job, Ryan!

Oh, and another thing...

...I never thought I'd hear myself say. We're just finishing up lunch and I'm having the two older kids take a nap today because it's raining, we're having friends over tonight and I just feel like having a few hours of quiet time. Anyhoo, Ryan was messing around with a spoon and was able to balance it on his nose.



Ryan then tells me he's going to go hop in bed. I say "ok, but take your spoon off first." What? Who says things like this? OH, that's right. Sleep deprived mothers.

Wash

Ever have those weeks where you wash a load of laundry one morning, forget to put it in the dryer, realize the next afternoon that it's starting to smell, wash that load again, forget about it until the next day, take a whiff, smells ok, throw it in the dryer and then pull it out just now and that mildew smell is there???? That is me, right now, about to restart the entire process over again and throw it all back in the washer. Is it just me, or is this inefficient housework? Oh, and did I mention that my spin cycle is taking a vacation for oh, let's say the past year? It only works part-time when it does work and then requires to be be paid overtime to re-spin the clothes it should have spun the first time. So thankful I have it though :-)...

Things I never thought I'd say...

I've seen this type of blog while surfing around and here's my recent thing I never thought I'd say...until I had kids. I was at the hospital today for an appointment (no, nothing exciting and not a big deal) and Ryan was pushing Matthew in the little umbrella stroller. He kept running Matthew into the wall as we were walking and I said, "If you don't stop running him into the wall, I won't let you drive him."

What?

Homeschooling, hunting, chocolate and friendship

Mmmmm....Black Tie Mousse Cake

You superwomen out there, here's a question...How does one homeschool children with a toddler in the house? I literally cry almost every day in frustration, and seriously, do they have medication for homeschooling mothers (or their children?) All kidding aside, it's been a busy couple of weeks. I'm still trying to get the hang of this home learning thing and need to set aside some time to get my act together. I feel as if we're doing almost everything every day but in random order. Oh, there was that week just two weeks ago (that would be week two of school) where I realized at the end of the week that we hadn't done science once. How does this happen? I forgot an entire subject!??? This is my brain on half sleep, 13 month old cutting three teeth at once, cold turkey weaned from a bottle, too much coffee kind of days. Oh well, we're getting it figured out slowly, and I see my character flaws raising their ugly head every day. Why did I harp on quotation marks with my 5 year old dd for 45 minutes, in between my 13 month old screaming and crying, and feel totally frustrated at the end of it? It's (and by "it's" I mean I am) so retarded. God is good and patient, even when I'm not. In the midst of all that I'm so thankful to have nights out with friends! That very "quotation mark" day I was so blessed to go to Olive Garden and have Black Tie Mousse Cake (yum!) with my bff Jennifer and two of her friends from church who are both oh so nice!! It was good for my soul to laugh about anything and everything with them and eat chocolate at the same time.

I love you too, buddy!

My big boys--love them so much

Ryan doing a little "school" in the woods---learning about trees and bark

In other news, my dh and ds roamed the hills of eastern Oregon for a week bow hunting for the elusive elk (the elk won.) I loved hearing their stories when they came home and seeing my son's eyes light up talking about all that he experienced. I know they'll be memories he'll look back on fondly. I've been having him dictate a story telling me about his experiences. The highlights at the beginning (and I'm only partly kidding) were blowing a Coke can up with a pellet gun and getting to play his GameBoy every day. I reminded him about building a shelter with Daddy, learning how to start a fire with flint (and extinguish it), feeding a momma deer who came into their camp every night. She would let Ryan get about 2 feet from her!

Ryan's friend, the momma deer

So sweet. I love boys and their stories.The boys are home, we're almost at the end of another week and fall is rushing in. I feel it in the cool nights as my open sliding glass bedroom door has been open less wide, getting the paper in the morning and feeling that chill, the beautiful, warm afternoons that make me feel guilty for hanging onto summer so strongly. I'm a baby about winter, and I complain about it far too much. I'm so sorry to everyone who has to listen to me whine. I'm really going to try to just enjoy each day and ease into the cooler weather with more grace than complaining. I'm looking forward to trying all the yummy soup recipes I've been collecting, making bread again (it's been a while), moving from iced to hot coffee (can't do it just yet) and enjoying fun memories with my family and friends. Happy Thursday!

Paradise

***This post was obviously from over at my old blog, but at least it’s here!

I’m so excited every time I see my blog now…it’s just the template I’ve been looking for and it makes me so happy to see it! For all of you who have seen (and laughed at) my many blog changes, you can rest assured that I have found “the one” and will not be making changes willy-nilly any more!

It is really pathetic how brain-washed my sweet dd is and this morning I could hear her pretending (I was in the same room but “ignored” her so as to not interrupt her monologue). She was acting out a scene from “The Sound of Music” but adding her own flair to it. “Oh, Liesl, will you please come to Kauai?” “Of course I will, Frederic.” “Oh good, I’ve seen parachutes and oceans…” That was the end of her private drama but I thought it was cute that Kauai comes up in so many of our conversations. As beautiful as Kauai is and as close to paradise as I’ve ever seen, I make sure to tell the kids that God was amazingly creative in his dramatic creation of our world, but just imagine how much more amazing heaven will be. I have found paradise in my marriage (although far from perfect, I know Shane’s the one God made for me), in my little family that we’ve made, in my friendships, etc. I’m so incredibly thankful!

Where is your paradise ? Near or far? I’m always looking for travel ideas and I’m always planning the next trip! Please share!

Mommy guilt and God's grace

I had one of those moments tonight when I realized in retrospect that I had failed as a mother. I didn't see her. I let some precious moments with my daughter slip by me because I just wanted 5 (ok, maybe 15) minutes to myself, to check email (I had left the computer off all day so I wouldn't be tempted to check blogs, emails or see what's up on eBay). Daddy and Ryan were making special notes for us in the front room because they're leaving in 5 hours to drive to eastern Oregon to bow hunt for a week. Sarah was asked to stay out of the front of the house to give them time to do that. Our computer is in our room and she came in more than once and asked to sit on my lap. "Not right now" was my reply. I wanted to be able to catch up on the day's emails (mostly junk, of course) and check blogs. She told me she didn't know what to do while the boys were out front working on their cards. I told her to get some books and climb up on my bed. "Can you read to me?", she asked. "Not right now, sweetie. Just look at the books on my bed." She gathered a few books, climbed on my bed and read for a while. After a while she got down and asked again. "Can I sit on your lap?" "Not right now, sweetie. If you're tired go hop in bed." And she did.

It wasn't until about an hour later that it hit me...that pit in my stomach feeling. I was moving the clean laundry from the bed onto the floor in preparation for bed (I do this many times a week until it's finally!! folded.) I moved the clothes and there were the books that Sarah had brought in. The ones she'd asked me to read. The ones I told her to look at by herself.

I'm having a hard time controlling the tears even now. I didn't SEE her. Oh, of course I could see her, I knew she was in the room, I heard her requests and answered each question. But, I wasn't present in those moments to her. I let those sweet minutes with her pass and missed an opportunity to snuggle on the bed with her and look at Curious George books. I saw the books and immediately went into her room where she was fast asleep with her favorite pink teddy tucked under her arm and snuggled up to her face. I lay down on her bed and snuggled up to her and just cried. I asked God to forgive me for all the times that I'm unkind in the way I respond, for all the time I waste on things I think I need to get done or do so I can feel like I had five minutes to myself in a day. The frantic scurrying around I often do to keep the house in some kind of order. For who? For what? Time wasters. Things that don't matter; things that can wait until the kids are in bed.

I kissed her arm, told her I loved her, and asked for God's grace and patience to be on me. Lord, please help me to remember what's important, to be a servant to my family and to You by keeping my priorities in order. Help me not develop the attitude of a slave where I check things off a list without remembering why I'm doing this all in the first place...so that among other things, my daughter will one day know to choose to read a Curious George story with her little one rather than choose a few extra minutes on the computer.

The BEST pesto EVER

Well, there's almost nothing I love more (as far as food goes) than fresh, homemade pesto (slathered on like lotion, but I digress). I think it's pretty much the yummiest thing and my dear friend Jen came over last night for a "pesto party." I had gone to a local farm and picked a bunch of basil and then paid my ds to go out in our garden and pick me a bag as well. After little man went to bed we set up our assembly line and started filling my Vita-Mix (the best blender EVER) and went to work. By the time we were done we had filled 10 pint freezer containers with "green gold." We shared many jokes about how much we love pesto. Some I can't share here, but trust me, they were funny. We always say we wish it was a lotion because we love the smell of the garlic, cheeses, olive oil and basil all together-yum. I highly recommend the following recipe--it's no fail, so yummy and makes use of that basil in your garden that's about to or is going to seed. I love pesto on pasta, sandwiches (instead of the other condiments), and especially on toasted crostini. I'm hungry. This recipe is from Susan Branch's book, "Heart of the Home", page 79.

Pesto
2-3 cups (I think I lean toward at least 3) fresh basil
3 TBSP toasted pine nuts
2 cloves fresh garlic
1/2 tsp. salt
dash of pepper
1/2 c Parmesan cheese (preferably from a wedge-not pre grated)
1/4 c Romano cheese (same preference as above)
2/3 c extra virgin olive oil (the darker the better)
2 TBSP butter
Toast the pinenuts in the butter. Grate the cheeses. Put all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth. Freeze or refrigerate. Try to stop yourself from licking the inside of the blender...and your fingers...and the counter...and the spatula.

We'll never forget

It still takes my breath away to this day. God is still good. He is still in control. We'll always remember the events of that day and the people who died.

Girls

My daughter and I were painting toenails this morning and I mentioned that we should get something for her older brother to celebrate his first elk hunting trip with Daddy that will commence next weekend for a week. I ask her if she has any ideas for a gift for Ryan, maybe something he can take elk hunting. She says, "Oh, maybe a boy ring." "Hmmmm, well that's a nice idea. What else can you come up with?" "Oh, maybe a cup." I prod further to figure out what she's talking about. "You know, like the tea set I have in my room." Oh, right. I tell her I was thinking more along the lines of a bugle or a knife. "Oh, that would be good too." I think she was disappointed that we couldn't send him off with a new tea set and a "boy ring". I love girls!

Is it wrong...

to have SEVEN half used packages of tortillas in one's fridge at one time? I laughed when I read Kristen's blog about her 25 boxes of Jello and thought "that could never happen to me". Well, not with Jello, but...Just wondering because I was getting some groceries put away and thought that some tortillas had been hiding under the meat drawer (you know the little useless space that we use for our carton of eggs)? Well, it's also quite convenient, apparently, for stacking many kinds of tortillas. We had seven, but I'm sure I could have fit another few in there. Whole wheat (2), low carb, corn (2), sprouted grain, and even the dreaded white (which for all you health conscious people out there---isn't there just something about a white tortilla fried in just a little olive oil to make it crispy and then filling it with other yummy things?)--I consider myself health conscious: I eat healthy much of the time and understand what constitutes a healthy, whole food, but I am so undisciplined at times and just love my friends Ben and Jerry. They are so kind to me. I also love this guy named Kicker. They have him working at Dutch Bros. Anyway, I digress. Anyone need some tortillas?

Invisible Woman

Ok, I've stolen this from Dawnelle's blog (and she reposted it from Heidi Jo's blog) that I found through Tami's blog that I found through Lindsay's blog...do I have too much time on my hands? The answer is NO, but the house is exceptionally quiet right now with just the sound of the dishwasher and the crickets humming. PLEASE, PLEASE read this! Oh, and sadly, I do not know any of the ladies listed above except Lindsay! This touched me and I know that I know that God led me to this right now because I needed to hear it. All wives and moms need this! Ok here goes...

I read this on Heidi Jo's blog and thought many of you might enjoy reading it. I know I did. (Heidi, if you're reading this, thank you for posting it!)

It started to happen gradually ...

One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young fella?" “Nobody," he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, "Oh my goodness, nobody?"

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like "Turn the TV down, please" - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, "Would someone turn the TV down?" Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are." He just kept right on talking.

I'm invisible. It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?” Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more.
Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going¸ she's going¸ she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I Read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals- we have no record of his or her names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God Whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are
building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own Self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no Cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but also at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

No guarantees...

We just returned from the funeral of a Dad from the kids' Montessori school they attended the previous three years. There are two awesome Hawaiian families and of Ryan's eight classmates two of the kids were part of Ryan's class (cousins-a boy and a girl). This nice Dad died of a heart attack the day after his 37th birthday while playing softball with his sweet wife and friends. It was shocking (it happened almost two weeks ago now) and his service was today. As you all know, I have a soft spot for all things Hawaiian, and this family is no exception. They are tight knit, kind, loving, not to mention just beautiful! The service was awesome (what I heard of it from out in the lobby with my three squirrely kids). There were sweet readings, a hula in honor of Alii, and an awesome pastor who did the service (and was their cousin). I felt privileged to be present as a family experienced the deepest grief they've ever known. Afterward we went inside to greet Mahea (the wife and mom of one of Ryan's classmates) and didn't notice until it was too late that both the kids were hovering over Alii's open casket. I think I said out loud "Oh, no!" Too late. Next thing I know they're stroking his face and asking questions (they were standing with the son who was in Ryan's class). Oh my, so now we're having THAT talk and how do you explain to a 5 and almost 7 year old that sometimes people are cremated and their ashes are spread in a favorite place? Ryan's friend (the son) mentioned that they're "taking him to Hawaii next week and putting him in the ocean". I pretty much told them that they were too young for me to explain all of it and now Sarah thinks that they're putting his "head, tummy and ears" in the ocean. "I think the sharks are going to eat him". Oh, my. All that aside, life is short. It's cliche, I know, but there are no guarantees that we'll get another day with the people we love. It can mess with my head sometimes, especially when someone that I know dies, that it could all be over for any of us, in a moment. Does that give you perspective? It does to me. Hug and kiss the ones you love extra hard today. You never know what the next minute will bring.

First day of school!

A good way to start any day...

It's 9:00am--time to start school!

The four of us--Daddy's at work
End of the day art--experimenting with mixing primary colors and just having fun!

Well, we did it! We made it through our first day of homeschool, and I think it went pretty well in hindsight. Right...there were those two hours right in the middle of trying to do read-alouds with the kids that Matthew was crying pretty much non-stop because he's cutting teeth...BUT, overall, I feel good about our day. I talked to both the kids individually through the course of the afternoon to have some time with each of them and see how they felt about everything. Ryan said he loved everything and he's especially excited about math and science. He and Sarah are both great readers so that part will come easily for them. I talked to Sarah and asked her what she thought was the most fun part of the day. (This conversation followed some discipline about a grumpy attitude toward picking up her things before she could watch some TV). She said "none of it was fun." Ok, wow, now all the anxiety I was feeling all day welled up inside me and I just started crying :-)! This made her even more upset so then we were both crying! We snuggled and talked about how she can't go back to preschool (that she absolutely LOVED) because she's in kindergarten now, yadda, yadda, yadda. The enemy is so very sneaky and presents himself in our own self doubts and that inner voice that constantly makes us question everything we do as parents and sometimes comes through the questions of others. That happened as well and my sweet sister reminded me to put it out of my head! Any success we may have is only by God's grace and I will freely give him all the glory for it. So, day one of homeschooling...check!

Hide and seek

Ok, so Matthew's favorite game (being all of 13 months old today!) is hide and seek...and not just the regular you-go-hide-and-I'll-come-find-you kind (he loves that too) but the I'll-take-your-stuff-and-you-won't-find-it-for-days version. Currently I'm missing my blush brush and my keys. The brush I can live without, but my keys? Come on, I can't function. Shane has an extra set, but it's not the same. I can't get my mail (which I love to do), I can't go to work after hours (which I usually always do). His last good hiding spot was hiding Daddy's phone in the bottom of the shredder (which has an opening for other trash). If you see Matthew can you ask him where my stuff is?

I'll be back later to fill you in on our first day of school: we survived and even thrived in a few moments (but definitely not all of them)! I'm just glad we made it through the day (always and only by God's grace). I'm off to run a few errands (with Shane's keys, of course).

Good night, sleep tight

Overheard while Daddy was putting two overly tired kids to bed the other night...they were being a bit reluctant to cooperate and get into bed and were putting up a little bit of a fight. They have bunk beds in their shared room and Daddy said..."Ok guys, get into bed...grumpy on top and sassy on the bottom..." I was rocking Matthew in the next room and chuckled overhearing this.

Life is sweet...

Matthew had his first ice cream cone tonight, and his first ice cream, really. I was inside cleaning up after dinner and decided the kids would love a root beer float ice cream cone while they were "helping" Daddy wash the truck. I brought them out and was greeted with huge thanks (a mom always loves that--we'll take gratitude every chance we get). Matthew was excited but then he got caught up in the logistics of holding a slippery ice cream cone. The driveway (which slants) was wet from the truck washing that was going on and it takes a little effort to stay upright while he's walking around on it. Now we have melting ice cream cone in one hand which is then falling on the driveway and sliding down it. No worry, just pick it up and keep going...don't mind a little car wash suds in the ice cream. The second picture shows Matthew doing two of his favorite things: eating and yelling at the top of his lungs. This is a boy who appreciates good acoustics. His favorite and pretty much only word is "DAAADDAAAAA." We have a little game where I say "MOMMMMMAAAAA" and he smiles and says "DADAAAAAAA" over and over. Our pediatrician (who I also work with--I've known her for 10 years) laughed when I told her at a recent check up and said, "Kelly, he doesn't need a name for you because you're always right there. You're still a part of him!" Yes, my sweet, attached-to-mommy boy, enjoy your ice cream, and you can call me "Dadda" forever if I just get your sweet hugs and love!